So, I decided to watch it again. This time around I wasn't on the brink of destruction, but rather ready to see what I can feel differentely.
I popped the DVD into the DVD player in the living room in front of the big TV and decided to call for my father if he still had any intention of watching it with me. He ones again replied with a no, however stood near me a few times with his head up high. As if he was above this movie that I'm watching, how pathetic I thought..
Anyway, I got cozy infront of the TV ones again and watched it from a different perspective. Not that everything is total shit, but in fact this is new hope to us as people. We can learn to be better citizens of the world if we experience this movie.
And I didn't get depressed again. I became happy, actually. I thought somewhat differently about our world.
Change number five: I became happy again, with thoughts of how to make the world a better place.
Viewing times: five
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Friday, June 4, 2010
Log Entry: 4
Depression hits.
As I watch the movie for the forth time, I began to lose interest in life altogether.
This is no practical joke, I felt no need to live after I watched it for the forth time.
The reason being: Pandora is much too great. Nothing like it here... so, what's the point.
After experiencing Avatar for the forth time, I got what many call it the "Post-Avatar Depression." Strangely enough I didn't feel this way the first time, nor the second. Not even the third time was enough for me to open my eyes completely to the fact that our world we live in isn't as great as Pandora's.
At the time I thought I realized something great. Something no one else did. I figured, if you truly understood Avatar for what it really is, you will not wish to live anymore. And I didn't for nearly a week. Thank god I had some common sense not to kill my self, for I knew there is still some reason for living, even if it isn't as great as the Na'vi's.
I put the Avatar DVD into the Netflix sleeve and left it on the counter. Walking away I few tears dropped off my face. I knew that if I saw it again it would completely ruin me. It would destroy my senses altogether for I got in too deep. Too deep I couldn't swim anymore. The fact is, I drowned a little the forth time I saw it... I told my self I will never watch it again. I wanted to so much thought, it hurt so bad to had to let go. Jesus! right, lol. How crazy must one be to feel this way ha-ha.
My family never saw Avatar before. My mother suffers from a bit of "Post-Baby Depression" herself. I encouraged her to see it so many times prior to the forth time. I thought if she saw it, it would change the way she lives and thinks. What I didn't realize was that, perhaps it would have made her minor depression worse...
My father still remained skeptical of the whole idea of blue creatures. He laughed when I told him he should watch it. I told him there is a great deal of combat and technological fantasy that he would have enjoyed. However, he never listened to me. Sometimes I'm happy that he didn't, but other times I wish he did watch it... perhaps one day he will. If he views it only ones, I hope, it won't get him depressed. ;)
A little time went by and I watched other films. More light comedies and romance films to get me out of that depressed mood. I watched a great deal of 18th century, Kiera Knightley acting British films. The one that really helped me was my top favorite movie of all time, Pride and Prejudice. That movie, pretty much saved my life.
After watching it I didn't think Avatar. Some hints of sad thoughts still remained, but for the most part I was all out British 18th century young woman. Talking and dressing like Keira Knightley. It sounds silly, I know. But it helped me get out of that mood, something I'm eternally thankful for.
A little time went by again. I beat the depression. Nothing left of it, so... I decided to battle Avatar ones more. To see if this time, I could see it from a different perspective.
Change number four: Completely depressed and lost interest in life...
Viewing times: four
As I watch the movie for the forth time, I began to lose interest in life altogether.
This is no practical joke, I felt no need to live after I watched it for the forth time.
The reason being: Pandora is much too great. Nothing like it here... so, what's the point.
After experiencing Avatar for the forth time, I got what many call it the "Post-Avatar Depression." Strangely enough I didn't feel this way the first time, nor the second. Not even the third time was enough for me to open my eyes completely to the fact that our world we live in isn't as great as Pandora's.
At the time I thought I realized something great. Something no one else did. I figured, if you truly understood Avatar for what it really is, you will not wish to live anymore. And I didn't for nearly a week. Thank god I had some common sense not to kill my self, for I knew there is still some reason for living, even if it isn't as great as the Na'vi's.
I put the Avatar DVD into the Netflix sleeve and left it on the counter. Walking away I few tears dropped off my face. I knew that if I saw it again it would completely ruin me. It would destroy my senses altogether for I got in too deep. Too deep I couldn't swim anymore. The fact is, I drowned a little the forth time I saw it... I told my self I will never watch it again. I wanted to so much thought, it hurt so bad to had to let go. Jesus! right, lol. How crazy must one be to feel this way ha-ha.
My family never saw Avatar before. My mother suffers from a bit of "Post-Baby Depression" herself. I encouraged her to see it so many times prior to the forth time. I thought if she saw it, it would change the way she lives and thinks. What I didn't realize was that, perhaps it would have made her minor depression worse...
My father still remained skeptical of the whole idea of blue creatures. He laughed when I told him he should watch it. I told him there is a great deal of combat and technological fantasy that he would have enjoyed. However, he never listened to me. Sometimes I'm happy that he didn't, but other times I wish he did watch it... perhaps one day he will. If he views it only ones, I hope, it won't get him depressed. ;)
A little time went by and I watched other films. More light comedies and romance films to get me out of that depressed mood. I watched a great deal of 18th century, Kiera Knightley acting British films. The one that really helped me was my top favorite movie of all time, Pride and Prejudice. That movie, pretty much saved my life.
After watching it I didn't think Avatar. Some hints of sad thoughts still remained, but for the most part I was all out British 18th century young woman. Talking and dressing like Keira Knightley. It sounds silly, I know. But it helped me get out of that mood, something I'm eternally thankful for.
A little time went by again. I beat the depression. Nothing left of it, so... I decided to battle Avatar ones more. To see if this time, I could see it from a different perspective.
Change number four: Completely depressed and lost interest in life...
Viewing times: four
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Log Entry: 3
I popped the DVD into my computer.
Number three, here we go I thought.
I was ready to see it again. Not to really learn it, or to become a fan of it. I just wanted that feeling. That feeling of something so possible, yet, completely out of my reach. There was no plan, no reason to watch it again. I don't know why I did, really. I wasn't a crazy fan looking out to learn all the Na'vi or make screen-captions to use for wallpapers or whatever. I just wanted that feeling...
I saw it, cried most of the time. I cried during every single scene with the Na'vi. I don't know why, but this time I didn't learn to feel certain things about other subjects or the matter of life. I just felt what was necessary to feel at the time I suppose. This time around, I cried like I never have before.
It wasn't just some pity crying either, it was emotional. It was unlike anything I have ever really done. I have cried before, with the gagging and the sobbing of course. But this time it was clean, like a babies cry. Almost innocent, only I wasn't innocent. It was as if I actually felt what each character felt. The happiness, the anger, and the pain. I felt like I was there with them. I understood their every movement, every action.
I didn't learn to save the environment this time, I don't know if I ever will.
All I do know is, is that I felt connected with the characters. Perhaps, even with the world for a moment. This time around, my emotional state was changed. I feel more things I experience, the way it should have been all those times before.
Change number three: Became more emotional with my own feelings that I never had before.
Viewing times: three
Number three, here we go I thought.
I was ready to see it again. Not to really learn it, or to become a fan of it. I just wanted that feeling. That feeling of something so possible, yet, completely out of my reach. There was no plan, no reason to watch it again. I don't know why I did, really. I wasn't a crazy fan looking out to learn all the Na'vi or make screen-captions to use for wallpapers or whatever. I just wanted that feeling...
I saw it, cried most of the time. I cried during every single scene with the Na'vi. I don't know why, but this time I didn't learn to feel certain things about other subjects or the matter of life. I just felt what was necessary to feel at the time I suppose. This time around, I cried like I never have before.
It wasn't just some pity crying either, it was emotional. It was unlike anything I have ever really done. I have cried before, with the gagging and the sobbing of course. But this time it was clean, like a babies cry. Almost innocent, only I wasn't innocent. It was as if I actually felt what each character felt. The happiness, the anger, and the pain. I felt like I was there with them. I understood their every movement, every action.
I didn't learn to save the environment this time, I don't know if I ever will.
All I do know is, is that I felt connected with the characters. Perhaps, even with the world for a moment. This time around, my emotional state was changed. I feel more things I experience, the way it should have been all those times before.
Change number three: Became more emotional with my own feelings that I never had before.
Viewing times: three
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Log Entry: 2
Finally, it arrived!
I pre-ordered the Avatar DVD from Netflix before it was even out.
The time had come, it was shipped to my house and I was ready to finally experience it again. I teared open the envelope and screamed with joy, I finally had it in my hands!
It was a while since I saw it in theaters, quite a while actually. I was getting ready for the most amazing night, I didn't care about anyone at the moment haha. I told everyone that they can't bother me, I was to not be disturbed for nearly 3 hours. The response was, you are totally crazy!
I got out an old tray and put a million things on it. A died Pepsi for pleasure. A water to be a bit healthier when the Pepsi runs out. A cut up banana for easy demolishing along with two oranges and an apple. I also packed a yogurt and some chocolate. I figured this had to be epic. If the adventure was epic, the meal might as well. And considering it was night time, I tried to keep it healthy!
I packed everything and traveled downstairs. I dimmed the lights and got out a very cozy chair and re-arranged the furniture around so it would be the most comfortable for my viewing. I was jumping with excitement, I couldn't wait to pop the DVD into the player.
As soon as it started to play, it was like I was plugged into the Matrix. At the time I knew the plot somewhat, I had an idea of who the characters were and minor background on them for I saw it ones before. However, many conversations still escaped me and I didn't understand fully what they were saying for the most part during the Na'vi parts. The Dolby surround sound helped a lot, but it was still all just a bit hazy.
After watching it I was still somewhat blind. I guess I was blinded by excitement more than anything. I was so happy to have finally received it, nothing mattered but it. However, I was starting to get the picture. It was hazy, black and white at the moment, but it was enough at the time I thought.
The second experience with Avatar led to a little less understanding of it for like I said, I was too happy to have seen it again. I didn't think about anything, it was just all fun and games at the time. Watching it seemed to be the top priority for me. Not learning from it, not taking things in and channeling them through what I do. But nonetheless, it led to more interest in viewing it ones more. Just in case I missed something.
So, the next day was the day to watch it again...
Change number two: Nothing. Too much excitement. But that too, is a lesson.
Viewing times: two
I pre-ordered the Avatar DVD from Netflix before it was even out.
The time had come, it was shipped to my house and I was ready to finally experience it again. I teared open the envelope and screamed with joy, I finally had it in my hands!
It was a while since I saw it in theaters, quite a while actually. I was getting ready for the most amazing night, I didn't care about anyone at the moment haha. I told everyone that they can't bother me, I was to not be disturbed for nearly 3 hours. The response was, you are totally crazy!
I got out an old tray and put a million things on it. A died Pepsi for pleasure. A water to be a bit healthier when the Pepsi runs out. A cut up banana for easy demolishing along with two oranges and an apple. I also packed a yogurt and some chocolate. I figured this had to be epic. If the adventure was epic, the meal might as well. And considering it was night time, I tried to keep it healthy!
I packed everything and traveled downstairs. I dimmed the lights and got out a very cozy chair and re-arranged the furniture around so it would be the most comfortable for my viewing. I was jumping with excitement, I couldn't wait to pop the DVD into the player.
As soon as it started to play, it was like I was plugged into the Matrix. At the time I knew the plot somewhat, I had an idea of who the characters were and minor background on them for I saw it ones before. However, many conversations still escaped me and I didn't understand fully what they were saying for the most part during the Na'vi parts. The Dolby surround sound helped a lot, but it was still all just a bit hazy.
After watching it I was still somewhat blind. I guess I was blinded by excitement more than anything. I was so happy to have finally received it, nothing mattered but it. However, I was starting to get the picture. It was hazy, black and white at the moment, but it was enough at the time I thought.
The second experience with Avatar led to a little less understanding of it for like I said, I was too happy to have seen it again. I didn't think about anything, it was just all fun and games at the time. Watching it seemed to be the top priority for me. Not learning from it, not taking things in and channeling them through what I do. But nonetheless, it led to more interest in viewing it ones more. Just in case I missed something.
So, the next day was the day to watch it again...
Change number two: Nothing. Too much excitement. But that too, is a lesson.
Viewing times: two
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Log Entry: 1
I went to the theater to see Avatar for the first time a long while ago.
At first I was just like everyone else. Supper skeptical and doubtful of how truly deep the movie would be. I thought just like my father did at the time, this is just another stupid animated movie. Why is everyone so psyched about it? I mean, it sounds like the anime series (That's what I thought it was at first, a movie to the "Avatar" anime series.)
I was out-ranged by all the fans I saw. I hated to be associated with them when I came into the theater. I thought to my self, why am I here? Aren't I better then this? Don't I have better things to do then come here and watch this stupid movie? ...
What nonsense I used to think.. I mean, really. I thought I was so much better then those people, that they are all just crazy fans who don't understand anything. Anything being life. Who is to say I do either, right?! But I was determined in believing I knew better then them. I was better then them. And the fact that my friends pulled me out of my house to go see it, was below me.
I was stupid and ignorant. I never experienced anything like it before, thus I didn't know what I was getting my self into. Believing that I've seen and felt better, I still proceeded into the theater with major doubts.
1 hour went by. I was shocked. Only halfway through the movie I actually wanted to turn around and talk to all the people I knew in the audience about how thrilled I was to be there. How amazing I thought it all was. Of course, no one would have cared nor allowed me to speak for everyone was just as shocked as me to be watching the most breathtaking film of their life. Many I'm sure didn't open their eyes then, however, those people never will. You can only feel bad for them now, you cannot help someone who doesn't want to accept help, right.
I didn't express much emotion during the film. When hometree was destroyed I felt saddened that nature was once again destroyed by humans, but I didn't feel it... not yet. I left the theater with the most surreal feeling, there are more amazing things in life!
As I opened the door to enter my house, I saw my dog. The first response he gave me was of course that of any pet, pure joy and excitement that his master is home. From that day forward, I never looked at my dog the same. I saw him in completely new light, a light that was pitch black before. I escorted him outside and while watching him jump up and wiggle his tail, my heart jumped with him. My eyes were watering, I couldn't believe it. For the first time in my life I didn't see my dog as inferior to me, but in fact equal. Perhaps, even better then me on many levels.
I saw my dog as an equal to me both intellectually and physically. I know this sounds strange and made-up, but it's nothing but the truth. I have always had respect for him, but after experiencing Avatar, I respected him more as a living, breathing creature. I didn't feel the need to be angry when he did something wrong, nor did I punish him for all his doggy miss-doings. I understood that he is the way he is because... that's just the way thing are. A dog is a dog, and one must respect that fact and respect the creature for being who he is. Not who you want him/her to be.
This was the first real change in my life after experiencing Avatar. If you notice I don't say "watch or seen" but rather "experience" because I don't see Avatar as a simple movie or film. But rather a life experience, something everyone of us must experience to really understand the many things we have in life that we miss-understand or under-appreciate.
Avatar, the first time I experienced it, opened my eyes to the world, the planet. That I'm not better then it, not superior to other life forms, nor am I more important because I walk on two legs instead of four. Avatar changed the way I see things, and I will never go back to thinking the way I did before.
Change number one: Respect for other living creatures besides my self.
Viewing times: one
At first I was just like everyone else. Supper skeptical and doubtful of how truly deep the movie would be. I thought just like my father did at the time, this is just another stupid animated movie. Why is everyone so psyched about it? I mean, it sounds like the anime series (That's what I thought it was at first, a movie to the "Avatar" anime series.)
I was out-ranged by all the fans I saw. I hated to be associated with them when I came into the theater. I thought to my self, why am I here? Aren't I better then this? Don't I have better things to do then come here and watch this stupid movie? ...
What nonsense I used to think.. I mean, really. I thought I was so much better then those people, that they are all just crazy fans who don't understand anything. Anything being life. Who is to say I do either, right?! But I was determined in believing I knew better then them. I was better then them. And the fact that my friends pulled me out of my house to go see it, was below me.
I was stupid and ignorant. I never experienced anything like it before, thus I didn't know what I was getting my self into. Believing that I've seen and felt better, I still proceeded into the theater with major doubts.
1 hour went by. I was shocked. Only halfway through the movie I actually wanted to turn around and talk to all the people I knew in the audience about how thrilled I was to be there. How amazing I thought it all was. Of course, no one would have cared nor allowed me to speak for everyone was just as shocked as me to be watching the most breathtaking film of their life. Many I'm sure didn't open their eyes then, however, those people never will. You can only feel bad for them now, you cannot help someone who doesn't want to accept help, right.
I didn't express much emotion during the film. When hometree was destroyed I felt saddened that nature was once again destroyed by humans, but I didn't feel it... not yet. I left the theater with the most surreal feeling, there are more amazing things in life!
As I opened the door to enter my house, I saw my dog. The first response he gave me was of course that of any pet, pure joy and excitement that his master is home. From that day forward, I never looked at my dog the same. I saw him in completely new light, a light that was pitch black before. I escorted him outside and while watching him jump up and wiggle his tail, my heart jumped with him. My eyes were watering, I couldn't believe it. For the first time in my life I didn't see my dog as inferior to me, but in fact equal. Perhaps, even better then me on many levels.
I saw my dog as an equal to me both intellectually and physically. I know this sounds strange and made-up, but it's nothing but the truth. I have always had respect for him, but after experiencing Avatar, I respected him more as a living, breathing creature. I didn't feel the need to be angry when he did something wrong, nor did I punish him for all his doggy miss-doings. I understood that he is the way he is because... that's just the way thing are. A dog is a dog, and one must respect that fact and respect the creature for being who he is. Not who you want him/her to be.
This was the first real change in my life after experiencing Avatar. If you notice I don't say "watch or seen" but rather "experience" because I don't see Avatar as a simple movie or film. But rather a life experience, something everyone of us must experience to really understand the many things we have in life that we miss-understand or under-appreciate.
Avatar, the first time I experienced it, opened my eyes to the world, the planet. That I'm not better then it, not superior to other life forms, nor am I more important because I walk on two legs instead of four. Avatar changed the way I see things, and I will never go back to thinking the way I did before.
Change number one: Respect for other living creatures besides my self.
Viewing times: one
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